Check out the patch notes for the v19 Winter Mischief update here:

Etika, Mental Health, Etc.

MapleStory 2 Rep: 1,940
Posts: 73
edited 2:47AM June 26, 2019 in Off Topic Discussion
Etika being found dead today has really f***ed me up. Ever since the incident with him trying to get verified, he has been on a collision course with his mental health.

I'm not here to say that if you're struggling or know someone who is, find help. In fact, I'm here to criticize those who do so as if it means something. I see too many of these sentiments in my daily life. This post is going to likely be a mix of venting on my part and ranting the rest.

As we move into this increasing digital world, we are going to find that there are many people caught in situations and places that the mental health system cannot reach. I myself am dealing with a heapload of abuse directed toward myself, yet cannot find a way to escape it no matter what I try. Art hasn't helped. Therapy has been tense at best and a disaster at worst. The fact of the matter remains, because of who I am in my physical body, there is no assistance out there for someone like me who is afraid and suspicious of every single person who comes my way, including these mental health professionals. No shelters unless I wanna be homeless. No subsidized housing on the budget I currently pull. I do not want to take pills out of the very real fact I recognize these are effects of abuse. I am forced to take things slow in my real life and build up my skills and self worth, yet that slowness also exposes me to further and further abuse that often has me in a very negative state of mind.

There is nothing anyone can say to me to convince me that I can be 100% completely honest. I've tried that. The first time it happened, I ended up in a hospital and kept my mouth shut and gave them all the answers they wanted to hear so I could go home ASAP. Every other time past that, it's been a good way to get myself misunderstood and people to freak out on me. In the back of my mind, I know that if I were to truly let it all out, truly lay it bare for whoever to see, there is every possibility that person would push to have me held for my safety. And I don't believe you when you say that won't/can't happen, even in a case where I committed myself to a mental health facility. It doesn't matter who you are.

It's a very simple thing to want, to just be out of your abuse situation so that you can properly introspect and understand what is your own psyche and what is a result of the abuse. I have been dealing with these mental problems over a decade+. I am now an adult watching my youth pass me by. All I've wanted is understanding and help, yet being honest has gotten me nowhere good. It's taught me that I have no other choice than to work on this myself, no matter how slow, no mater how piecemeal, no matter how ridiculous a goal I may be trying to pursue. Throw a dice at every possibility, and maybe I'll finally come up deuces and see a way out.

Etika was likely a similar sort of person. A guy persistently misunderstood. Having channels and content deleted for slurs and having to deal with the backlash of people he's never even met before. He hasn't been on my radar for long, but I could feel that from him. Someone who just wants to enjoy life and video games and not have to deal with bullshit. Unfortunately, as a creator, people hold you to higher standards and those standards likely contributed to his end. I'll never get the chance to meet the guy, to talk to him on his stream anymore. He's been added to the list with the likes of Monty Oum, Robin Williams, Fred Rogers, And Bob Ross of people who managed keep me going while I struggled to stay sane in the face of ramping abuse. And thats to say nothing of the people I know personally.

This is going to get worse. People who will be unable to be reached because the help they need is so far removed from the system that normally just prescribes a pill and checks to make sure the dosage correct and thats all they need to do. I understand I am oversimplifying to an insane degree. But god fricking dammit, it pisses me off to see all these people tell others to go seek help when I have friends and family who were getting help and still offed themselves. People who confided in me needing just one thing, one little light of hope, something to grasp onto and hold for dear life. In my case it's another place to stay and recover. For one of my friends, it was help staying away from their ex. For another, it was meaningful work within their skillset. One more just wanted a meaningful relationship and offed themselves after a night with a sex worker from the shame.

These people need support. Creative support. Support that is not found in a pill, support that is not found in a hospital or a mental health facility. Support from their fellow man, not THE man. Most of the time, yes, getting professional help will work for a person. However, if getting help isn't working for the person you are concerned about, I'm sorry to say, you need to BE the help. Sadly, no one was able to reach Etika in time to be his help. He himself talks about having pushed away anyone who could have helped him. There are rumors he got into a cult after his Twitch ban. I sincerely hope that his case is not one of manipulation, and I'm not here to speculate on such; if it's true, it only means things were even more screwed for the guy than any of us can imagine.

I myself am not okay, but I will be fine. My rage fuels me. My emotions get poured into my artwork. I can watch and track myself getting better yet I still need to do more work to get there. It's all I can ever do. It's all I am ABLE to do. All I've ever wanted is to just be free from my abuser, in this case my parent. My self worth has been shot to hell too many times. I hear his voice in things other people say. I will eventually be free, but hey, I can want to get there faster and not be made to feel like crap for wanting that it at the VERY fricking least right? Can I have that? Am I ALLOWED to have hope for a hand up or is it all about pulling oneself up by the bootstraps at this point?

Lemme just say that if you're here to tell me to try professional help again, to tell me that I just havent gotten good help and that it's out there, you're wasting your time typing it out. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, and that's how I view the mental health system at this point. It's very possible that once I'm removed from my situation, I will feel differently. But as long as they can't help me to make that happen, it is a fruitless endeavor.

and please remember that I am not discounting or devaluing that most people are able to seek help and get it with no negative effects. I am merely advocating that people must recognize when traditional help is, at best, not helping and, at worst, doing more harm than good. In too many words because I really needed a place to put this


  • BulbasaurBulbasaur
    MapleStory 2 Rep: 2,525
    Posts: 233
    Ginsama wrote: »
    In too many words because I really needed a place to put this

    Seems like r/raisedbynarcissists is a good place to check out if you haven't already.
  • Anura_Anura_
    MapleStory 2 Rep: 1,330
    Posts: 174
    agreed, we need to fight back against angry mobs who bully people like Etika. The best help we can give to victims of smear campaigns would be to send all those rabid authoritarians to gulag and then gas them. We should also develop technology to screen embryos for authoritarianism. It's really the only way to end this, despite the impracticality and dubious moral grounds.
  • PredestinationPredestination
    MapleStory 2 Rep: 670
    Posts: 21
    Professionals in the end are just humans too, except trained in a specific discipline. Tbh with mental health treatment, ultimately is really is down to the individual. They need to be a professional of mental health unto themselves. Knowing how their mind / body work and do the things necessary to help them build / rebuild. It's a bit like Physio, of course, someone rehab-ing etc physically, physio will help, but it is the things done in between sessions and beyond fixed appointments that'll put the person back in full speed. It takes time for muscles / tendons / nerves to regain / reroute to full function.
    Same for mental health. Drugs could help alleviate symptoms and sometimes to a large extent. Mental health professionals could give you tips on how minds and bodies generally work and give a lot of research backed framework + advice on how to build yourself back up. But at the end of the day, it's us taking ownership of the building that'll work. Depression and anxiety is not some incurable disease, we can overcome it, but it does take A LOT of work and A LOT of time.